alumni.

i got my park scholar alumni catalog today. the park scholars are a group of scholarship recipients at ithaca college, where i got my undergrad degree. it's a sweet scholarship - totally full ride. they pay your tuition, a stipend for rent, food, books, and even pay for a computer your freshman year. it's truly amazing - and i'm still trying to figure out why i got it. going to an art high school helped, and being first in my class - but i always felt way out of my league with the people in that group.

which leads me to the alumni catalog. i dread it. i loathe it. every year i get one, and contemplate just throwing it away without opening it.

don't get me wrong - i didn't have any enemies there, and i am interested in what people are up to. here's my problem: it makes me feel like a complete and total loser. because the people from that group? they're out in the world, moving and shaking. one writes for a big name magazine, one is on the abc morning news in Syracuse. some of my friends from the group are writers, or getting a law degree, or in medical school, or producing films. big films.

seriously? you know my biggest accomplishment in the last year? hmmmm.......let's see. i got a cat. i paid off my credit card. i didn't kill my boss.

i'm a receptionist. i answer phones. i'm also borderline mentally ill, and have a hard time just getting through the day - much less changing the freaking world. what happened to me? what did those judges see in me - fresh out of high school - that made them think i belonged in a group of kids that deserved a free ride?

so, at this point, i still open the darn thing. i was a little bit happier this time, because the layout and typography sucked. ha! that's one thing i can do - i could layout that damn brochure better than whatever student they have doing it. go me!

but seriously - should i be upset about this? is it unrealistic to think that i should be changing the world right now? and if it is unrealistic - why are they? i feel like i missed that day in class - the day where they gave you the secrets to following your dreams without having a nervous breakdown.

eh, oh well. there's always next year.

cool customer.

i got my air conditioner in today. which doesn't sound like it should be that hard, but i have a four-foot window to put it in. so first i had to measure said window, then head to home depot to buy some plexiglas, a 2x4, and some foil duct tape. the foil keeps the squirrels from chewing their way in (hopefully). so several hours later i have a cool apartment! bean is loving it.

it's pride this weekend in minneapolis. i didn't head over today, because of all the air-conditionering i had to do, but i probably will tomorrow. pride is always so fun! lots of happy people, sun, snacks, animals, etc. it's at least worth taking a walk over and checking out. i really want to bring bean on a leash, but i'm afraid of scary dogs freaking him out. we'll see.

i've been slacking horribly on my diet and on working out. i wouldn't be surprised if i've gained at least 2 pounds this past week. aargh. so i went to the grocery store tonight and bought lots of fruit, snackable veggies, light soup, etc. we'll see if i do any better this week. i'm definitely working out tomorrow!

wow, this is a really boring post. but at least its a post. i can't always be interesting. i didn't take my medicine for 3 days and crashed pretty bad earlier (causing the boy to yell at me because i was being impossible). it's always hard to hear that you're hard to take sometimes, but i guess it snapped me out of it. i'm feeling much better now.

goodnight imaginary readers - sleep tight. dream of exciting posts.

today in pictures.

excuse disclaimer: i cannot figure out how to format my pictures and text in a way that looks pretty. it's really bugging me, but damn it, i'm going to post anyway. so sorry for the un-cuteness that follows. (the layout, not the content!)

feeling like: this picture. apparently bean feels this way too. he's not enjoying the fact that it's over 90 degrees in my apartment. i'm trying to make him feel better by giving him ice to lick. i'm trying to make myself feel better by giving myself popsicles to lick.



working on: a letter for a font i'm making with Chank Diesel. it's call 'Eat Street'. fun! more about that very soon.










thinking about: why all the squirrels in my neighborhood are so unafraid of people. i literally had to spray one from 2 inches away with a spray bottle to get it off my windowsill. last month one ate it's way through my screen and ate all of the walnuts in the (sealed jar) on my counter. as cute as they can be - squirrels that are totally unafraid are scary!


last picture: bean looking totally handsome. he's really starting to grow up and become an adult cat, and it's just so cute. i know i'm a crazy cat lady and all - but i really love this guy. even though he scratched me three times this morning and now i look like i escaped over a barbed wire fence fleeing from the mental hospital.

this day started out really crappy (cramps, tired, scared about class/confrontation) to being pretty good (going home early, ordering pizza, getting some work done, watching scrubs, getting an internship offer). so happy thursday everybody!

weekend escapades.

went to the twins game on saturday. we won - which is always fun! i had a delicious hot dog - with ketchup and relish. the boy had mustard and onions. (do our complete opposite hot dog choices mean we're incompatible?)

also had peanuts and crackerjacks. (and sang the song!) baseball game complete.

after the game, the boy and i headed to the strip club. this was only the second time i've ever been to a strip club, and both times were mostly the same experience. while i appreciate the fine looking ladies, (and even get a little turned on once and again), i have a hard time getting over the fact that a lot of them don't seem to be having much fun, and whenever i leave i always vow to never eat again. which inevitably fails and leaves me eating an entire pint of chubby hubby crabby. so i guess i'd rather leave strip club fantasies to the boy, and imagine myself as skinny and pretty as all of those ladies - that's my fantasy. we did buy each other a dance though, and i had way too many vodka ginger ales.

(as a side note, my mother's drink weakness was vodka 7-ups. she would always drink way too many. apparently that has carried on in me, but with a ginger-ale twist. yippee!)

i had a brief idea that i should start being a stripper. mostly because of this blog. i need some more cash, and it seems like something i could do. however, besides needing to lose somewhere around 20 pounds for that to happen, i don't know if i could really do it. in my head it seems like a good reasonable idea, but who knows if i could actually go through with it - or make any real money at it. well, that's another potential job to cross off the list.

here's my random weirdo story for the week: I was working out at the gym on Saturday morning, early, and was the only person there (which is usually the case on the weekends). right as i was finishing up my workout, a guy walks in. he's a pretty big guy, and doesn't smile. he starts (loudly) lifting weights. by loudly i mean the gross grunts and yells he lets out when doing said lifting. that's not the weird part though.

i go to take a shower, leaving my water bottle and headphones on the rack where all the shoes and bags are. i always do this - because who wants my germy water bottle and broken headphones covered in sweat? these headphones are not nice - not nice at all. the pads broke off long ago, they're the clunky, behind the head kind, and i only wear them because they get so sweaty when i work out that i'm afraid to use my ipod earbuds and ruin them. ok, enough description i guess - but they're gross!

so I come out of the shower, and notice...my headphones are gone. i look over at the treadmills, and that weird guy is wearing them! my headphones! that he saw me take off my sweaty head! seriously folks, gross. i was tempted to walk over and demand them back, but a. he's huge and mean looking, and b. what would i do with them, now that they have his ear sweat all over them? yeah, no thanks.

then on sunday - more craziness ensues. i wanted to get some work done on my computer, which i cannot do at my house because there is far too much TV. and food. and a bed. so i headed out to a coffee shop. after trying spyhouse and bad waitress, and finding them both full - i head over to a dunn bros by the boy's place - because there's usually tables. i was elated to find a big table, with a comfy chair, and settled in with my chai and a muffin.

then this weird feeling started to nag at me. the boy sitting next to me - do i know him? he looks familiar....but...do i really know him? so as i'm furiously glancing at him i notice he's doing the same. damn, i must know him.

then it hits me. this is the guy. the totally embarrassing guy who i have seen twice, and thinking about either time makes me cringe. the first time we met i was at ground zero with some friends. i drank way too much (yes, this is a pattern) and made out with this guy. found out his name is name removed steve. all i really remember is telling him that he looked like a guy from Dawson's Creek. Our makeout session ended with me getting thrown out of the bar. good times.

the next time i saw this guy was when i was checking into the psych ward. that's obviously a whole other post, but needless to say, seeing a guy that you've made out with while in the psych ward (which I didn't notice, but my friends kindly pointed out to me later) - is not so pleasant. note: he wasn't in with me, which would be less embarassing, he was a nurse.

why do I keep running into this guy? and what am I supposed to say? I ended up fleeing dunn bros in the end, and not getting any work done. what can i say? - i'm a coward.

so that was my weekend. a little bit crazy, a little bit fun, a little bit embarrassing. like most of my life, i guess.

angry.

i'm so angry today. all bottled up frustration and self hate and crabbiness. i want a new job, new friends, new clothes, new life. i need a change - a big one. not a new haircut, or new shoes, or a vacation. i need to turn this ship around and actually do something with my life.

taking that first step is the hardest though. when that change is so big, so scary, so unknown. it's hard to realize that you need to take it slow, one step at a time, one small change at a time that will gradually lead up to the larger change that you want.

my instinct is to quit my job, run for the hills, give away everything i own. spend all of my recently scrimped and saved money because fuck it, i don't have what i want and who says i ever will. besides, even when i save and save it all gets stolen - taken away in a minute - and who knows if it will be replaced.

i had a hard critique in class on tuesday. i don't know if it was really bad, or my brain just made it seem that way. i was really proud of my project, really excited about it - and compared to everyone else's it just seemed ordinary. after the critique i wanted to drop out completely. what's the point of this dream of becoming a graphic designer if i'm not any good? no one is raving over my designs, no one is clamoring to hire me, and i feel like a failure. i really don't want to go to class today.

speaking of failures, my diet is not going well. i start out in the morning well, with my weight control oatmeal and fresh blueberries. i drink diet soda all day, and coffee if i need a pick me up. but right around lunchtime i lose control and have a billion candy bars, or two lunches, etc. dinner is worse - i've been eating out most nights, chinese or vietnamese. food just makes me feel better - but then i go to the gym and step on the scale and ugh.

i just want to take control of my life. fix all these nagging things that are making my life just a little bit worse - and add up to make my life nothing like what i want. i want to be a freelance graphic designer, whose house is clean and cute and who dresses well and always looks nice and goes to the gym and weighs fifteen pounds less. who can wrangle her cat into not biting her and eats right and makes enough money to be safe and happy. who can go to work from home and meet clients for coffee and has the self confidence to put her life on track. or heck, just someone who gets out of bed in the morning and does something more than surf the web all day - that would be nice.

just a tuesday.

well, it's tuesday. work has been - awkward today. some pretty shady stuff has been going on lately, and i'm having a really hard time aligning work me with real life me, but i guess that's all i can say about that. i'm working on a new idea for this blog - it has to do with a book i'm reading, and work stuff - but i want to get permission first. hopefully soon!

as promised - here are some of the spreads from my recently finished eggcup catalog. hopefully i'll have it all mocked up soon, so that i can take some decent portfolio pictures. anyway, here goes.

(sorry, took out the pictures b/c they were being annoying)

i know that the image quality is bad - you'll just have to wait until i get everything uploaded to my portfolio site, sorry! but all in all, i think it turned out really great - big thanks in part to the guy that helped with the illustrations. :) (i mean, i totally drew them - totally!)

in other news - my grandpa was on the news - kstp to be exact. you can view him here. he is just too cute not to watch, trust me on this one. i was so proud of myself today because i managed to get that video off the web and burn it to a dvd - which i'm sure is illegal, but seriously abc - i'm supposed to pay $45 for a minute long clip? no thanks. so now he can have a copy - because the annoying guy who made the piece just can't seem to understand that 87 year olds? don't. have. internet. really, they don't. no really, they don't! so i saved the day again - go me.

anyone interested in hearing about my love life? anyone? well, here's the vague rundown. i'm kind of seeing this guy who is kind of into me, but never ever wants to make a commitment it serious and will never, ever be in love with me. i've been kind of seeing this guy for about a year and a half.

what the f$*# is wrong with you? - you may be saying. well, i'm not sure. lots of things, probably - but the truth of the matter is that he's a really nice guy. we have lots of fun together, and we're very close.

so part of this kind of seeing each other deal is that we can see other people. and i've discovered that i'm the worst girl dater ever. is dater a word? you know what i mean. i use okcupid - and here is my pattern:

1. find a guy i think is cute.
2. woo him or message him.
3. when he writes back, write back at least once, maybe twice.
4. completely stop all contact (this has nothing to do with him of course, i just lose interest or get freaked out or something).
5. occasionally i will go on a date, then -
   
6. stop all contact.

i've done this at least 6 times in the past year. i'm always teasing thesinglesister that she gets way more dates than me - well it's no wonder, right? i think i just have a hard time with the online dating scene. it seems too forced - i want romance. i want to meet a guy in a dimly lit bar, drink vodka shots until i'm almost puking, and then have a drunken one night stand that turns into a four-year relationship. romance, people!

no, i'm kidding. i don't know what the deal is. my therapist would say that i'm with the current guy because he's safe - he'll never fall in love with me. which may be true. maybe i really, deep down, want to be single forever? who knows. i'm only 23.

ok, that's my day. eggcups, work and ramblings about love. i had a heath bar too - yum.

mini rants and mini loves.

lets have a mini-story day!

rants:
my cell phone broke today. i have a motorola razor, and one of the screws holding on the top portion fell out a week ago. today, the lcd screen doesn't work. so i call up t-mobile, and they say it's 'physical damage' aka 'my fault'. screw them. so i ordered a $10 phone to replace it (i am so done with razors) and they charge me an $18 'rape you' 'upgrade fee'! seriously? i hate you t-mobile.

(work rant deleted to protect...myself - I really wanted to leave it in, but I just can't. sigh.)

i'm frustrated with myself, because I can't stick to my diet. i spent yesterday making a big salad to take to work for lunches all week, packed myself a healthy breakfast - the whole works. I did workout this morning, which is good, but then ate a plateful of pub mix - which is probably like a billion calories. plus, i'm doing homework at a coffee place tonight, which = calorie-laden caffeinated drinks and probably lots of food as well. aargh!

loves:
one of my favorite things is to see rain in the distance. what i mean is - it's not raining on you - but you can see the rain falling from the clouds. i had the opportunity to see that on the backdrop of a stunning bright-pink sunset last night on my way home from the grandparents - and it was delightful.

i'm really liking the way my eggcup catalog/homework is shaping up - i'll have to post a spread or two tonight when it's all! finished!

i never, ever get zits (and yes, you can hate me). however, when I do get one of those deep down zits that just won't pop - one of my guilty pleasures is to pop it with an exacto razor blade. totally gross, I know - but the satisfaction of making that tiny cut and have everything come out? oh my god - it's like porn for me. totally popped a 6-month old zit on my lip last night. awesome.


well, now that you've all run screaming - I think I'll sign off. hoping i can get through the next 3 hours without anything too scary happening - and then get my homework done quickly. keep your fingers crossed.

dad shmad.

Happy Sunday! It's fathers day, which is always a hotly-debated topic in my family. You see - my father and I have a pretty good relationship. I wouldn't call it picture-perfect by any means, but we get along. I call him when I'm having a rough day, and he listens. He usually tells me it's my fault, but hey, he listens. We rarely fight, and he lets me live my life - more than most people can say I'm sure.

However, it's his father that's the problem. My grandpa. Don't get me wrong, I love him to death (you have to say that, right? It's bad karma not to) - but he has grated a few nerves in my immediate family for a long, long time. When I was a wee little kidlet, I remember my grandpa and my aunt talking to me and my sister about how fucked up our parents were. How they couldn't ever hold a real job, how they moved us way up north away from the 'family', and how they were ruining us. Way to cultivate a great relationship with the grandkids/nieces, eh? I always left those interactions so completely upset, devastated as only a child can be when they are told that their parents aren't perfect. I learned to keep my defenses up around my extended family - we were always on the outside because we were 'different'.

My grandparents are/were pretty rich, my grandpa was the county attorney in his smallish town most of his life. My dad is a musician and my mom was a seamstress/creative type - so not exactly moneybags. This created quite a rift in the family, which only got bigger when we moved out of the cities and 'up north' (four hours away) when I was ten years old. Also, my grandparents never cared much for my mother. Now that she's dead they say that they loved her, but I remember when she was alive - and they did not get along. I think it was a class thing - my dad's side of the family is the country club type - I never saw my grandmother without her hair done and lipstick on. My mom's side of the family loved sports, and my mom's mom is remembered best by her always present bloody marys and cigarettes.

To add insult to injury, my grandparent's two other children - my aunt and uncle, were very close with them. My aunt spent every weekend with them for her whole life (she never married or had children) and took all of her vacations with them. My uncle lived in Connecticut, (speaking of: why wasn't he ostracized for moving???) but him and my grandfather had the same political views, both had money, liked golf, etc. They talked all the time. Sadly - both my aunt and uncle died a couple of years ago. My uncle of colon cancer and my aunt of ovarian cancer. So the kid they are left with? The musician/hippy that they never got along with. And, of course, his two daughters.

So I had a long chat with my dad today about how guilty he feels that he doesn't get along with his dad - and how he can't even buy him a card, because all of those sappy sentiments? He doesn't feel them. My grandpa is 87 years old - he's lonely, caring for my grandma who has Alzheimer's, and is starting to get very confused. But my dad is still angry - angry for a childhood/adulthood where he felt that he didn't belong, for the years of disapproval and guilt - he's still understandably upset about it. It's hard to put all of that behind you just because you're the one left behind. I totally get it.

Tonight I'm going up to my grandparents to cook them dinner (spaghetti with chicken sausage), and give my grandfather his father's day card. I went for funny and cute - I think he'll like it. I enjoy going up there - I just hate the guilt trips. The talk about how I'm not there enough (because unlike my aunt, I'm far to busy to spend every weekend with them), and how my father still isn't living up to their expectations. Family stuff is hard, but what can you do? Just plow ahead, and hope that you don't spend the rest of your life regretting the way you treated the people you came from. Happy father's day.

wake up!

c'mon brain, you can do it. just start small - maybe a color. pick one color that you really, really like. is that so much to ask? then maybe, just maybe - give me a hint on a font. Not even a specific font, let's just say serif or sans-serif, or script maybe? now we've got the ball rolling. how about some images? maybe a layout? is that too much to ask?

i've been asking my brain these questions for 2 weeks now - trying to get this catalog homework assignment done. i have the photographs, and i really like them - but that's it. i have NO IDEAS. none. zip. zilch. stick that in your design cliche and smoke it, asshat.

ok, that didn't make sense - but not much is the past few days. all i do at work is stare at my computer screen, and all i do at home is stare at my tv screen. screens are overtaking my life, and apparently my creativity. i'm not even all that interested in anything else. talking to friends? eh. going outside? no thanks. cooking? no way. drinking? well, always....

so yeah, not much to report. it's hard to be witty or interesting when all you do all day is look at what other witty, clever, and inspiring people are doing. i need some motivation, peeps! maybe i'll pick up and sail around the world, or get a new puppy, or run a marathon or get a freaking life. i'll keep you posted.

oh, also? it's 84 degrees in my office today. and my boss won't let us turn on the air. seriously? because dying of heatstroke is sure to make your workplace environment more productive.

doctor visits.

i saw my med doctor today. i've been going to a pain clinic in the twin cities for over 6 months now to deal with ongoing jaw pain issues, migraines, and depression. i see a therapist, a physical therapist, and a medication-doctor/neurologist. i used to see a nurse practitioner as well (who just happens to be the neurologist's wife), but she annoyed the hell out of me didn't work out. so now it's down to the three, and i love my therapist and physical therapist. they are the glue that holds me together on the days when the migraines seem like they really could kill me, or i can't open my mouth far enough to take a bite of my salad at lunch. however, this med guy is a whole different story...

i'm not going to name names, so lets call him hobbit-man. He looks a bit like a hobbit, combined with a weasel. don't get me wrong - i'm sure he's a very nice hobbit-man. he always smiles at me, seems very intelligent, and i've never wondered about the quality of care that i'm getting. my beef is more personality-based i guess. you know that gut tickle that you get about people - the one that's pretty hard to shake, (at least for me)? well, he's like a feather-duster to my gut.











the grievances:

• he's always at least a half an hour late to my appointment, even when i'm the first appointment of the day.
• he uses really big words, and i always feel like he's talking down to me. he makes me feel like a petulant child when i want to change my meds, or bring up a new complication that i'm having.
• he makes me nervous. so nervous that i usually forget what i went in there for - leading to more internal eye-rolling from him. (ok, maybe i'm making up the eye rolling - but the guy just seems annoyed, ok?)
• no matter how many times i politely tell him that i no longer see his wife, he tries to get me to reschedule with her. he also asks why i'm not seeing her - what are you supposed to say to that? because she drives me crazy with her unnecessary head nodding and doesn't listen to a word i say? i think not.
• he also tells me that i should exercise every day, at every appointment, even though i exercise a perfectly reasonable three times a week. he then tells me all about how he rides his exercycle every morning for 15 minutes. while that's great for him - i really, really don't need that mental image every. single. appointment.
  

ok, moral of the story - i don't like going to see hobbit-man. i don't like it so much, that i hardly ever go. which means that my meds don't get checked often, or well, in my opinion. i take lexapro for depression and maxalt for migraines, and lately the combination of them makes me sound like i'm having a stroke (can't find words, slurred speech, etc) - so he cut my lexapro dose down a bit, so hopefully that will help? i also feel like i'm in a coma tired almost all of the time. this is really cutting down on lots of things, like productivity at work, creativity for school, my ability to think of fun blog posts, you name it. it hasn't done wonders for my sex drive either. truth be told, i'd rather be off the meds completely, but because of a fun little mental-hospital incident a month or so back (which I'll write about soon enough), I'm sucking it up and taking them for now.

going to the doctor at least once a week is quite spendy too, as you might imagine. i can't wait for the day when i can put that $100+ a month in my pocket, or put it towards some of the things on my wish list (like a roomba!).

other things on my mind include: starting my own business/freelance work instead of this sit at a desk job. i've been reading the anti 9-5 guide, and loving it, so hopefully that can get my started. schoolwork, as usual, and what to have for dinner tonight. i really want chinese food, but can't find anywhere in minneapolis that delivers! why, minneapolis, why? in ithaca I could get all the food i wanted delivered - pizza, chinese, thai, dessert, you name it. minneapolis - pizza. it's freaking cold here, not to mention the hail and tornadoes lately - why don't more people deliver? i guess that's a business idea for me.....

a little bit about me.

Theoretically, this could all go in the handy-dandy 'about me' section. it will someday. in the meantime, I just wanted to give my non-existent readers some information about me - so they can get to know me and run screaming love me.

1. I live in Minneapolis. Don't stalk me.
2. I'm trying to become a graphic designer. i'm in school, and looking into freelancing options/starting my own business. soon!
3. I apparently can't decide whether to capitalize or not capitalize. i love not capitalizing sentences, but then I slip back into it. sigh. deal with it.
4. I have a kitten cat named Bean. I got him last september? somewhere around there. he's tiny, and loves nothing more than to bite me. he's not mean though - promise.





so tiny and cute!




5. i'm on a diet. so far i've lost 6 pounds. i know you don't want to hear about it - no one does. but guess what? it's my blog! ha!
6. i don't like my job. i know i'm not supposed to write about work, lest i get dooced. but still - it had to be said. i work as an office manager/receptionist/marketing assistant/get me some fucking coffee girl. enough said.
7. i'm 23, soon to be 24 years old. i really want to go to las vegas for my birthday.
8. i started a blog because everyone else was doing it. i'm not sure if my life is exciting enough to write about, but i crack myself up with the crazy interesting things I think about - so i just wanted to put some of it out there. we'll get to the crazy fun stuff eventually, i promise.

Ok, that's enough for now. I need to design an egg-cup catalog today during after work. First draft is due tonight. Any ideas?

stolen.

I spent this weekend with friends - and our first order of business was the Sex and the City movie on Saturday. I was super excited because the four of us have been friends forever (three of us since 5th grade - and the other since 9th), and all of us going to see the four of them just seemed too perfect. We went to block E to see the flick, and had some Applebee's before the show. By the way - nothing on Applebee's menu is vegan. Nothing. Not even vegetarian, really. (I'm not a vegan, I'm just saying)

So anyway - movie was great, afterwards we went back to my place and had girl time - complete with grey's anatomy and cosmo's - I thought all was well. Woke up the next morning...no wallet.

F-U-C-K. That's all I could think/say. I checked my bank account and over $1300 - gone. Not only that, but they also rented not one, but two cars in my name (using my driver's license). AWESOME. I realized that stealing someone's wallet in a movie theater is a great freaking idea - because you know they probably won't notice for at least a couple of hours - so you can go hog wild.

So today is filled with getting a new license, new check card, police reports, etc. I'm lucky that I have enough savings to cover the damage until my investigation goes through. i never realized how dangerous check cards are. I'm not sure I even want one anymore, honestly. This is the 5th time in my life that my wallet has been taken or lost - I obviously have really bad karma. I want to build a secret safe in my apartment and deal only in gold coins from now on. I just need to find some leprechauns.

In other news - I have shin splints. The only way I would run is for my life, so I'm not sure how I even got them. Karma again. So I'm hobbling around barefoot at work. Sexy-pants. I'm also working on an egg-cup catalog for class. I'll have to fill everyone in on my egg-cup obsession soon.

first post.

don't you hate the first post? so much pressure.

my intentions for this blog are to let it all hang out. not do everything perfectly, or even well. just talk and talk and talk until i turn blue in the face hands.

it's raining. and my under eye circles are threatening to take over my face.