alumni.

i got my park scholar alumni catalog today. the park scholars are a group of scholarship recipients at ithaca college, where i got my undergrad degree. it's a sweet scholarship - totally full ride. they pay your tuition, a stipend for rent, food, books, and even pay for a computer your freshman year. it's truly amazing - and i'm still trying to figure out why i got it. going to an art high school helped, and being first in my class - but i always felt way out of my league with the people in that group.

which leads me to the alumni catalog. i dread it. i loathe it. every year i get one, and contemplate just throwing it away without opening it.

don't get me wrong - i didn't have any enemies there, and i am interested in what people are up to. here's my problem: it makes me feel like a complete and total loser. because the people from that group? they're out in the world, moving and shaking. one writes for a big name magazine, one is on the abc morning news in Syracuse. some of my friends from the group are writers, or getting a law degree, or in medical school, or producing films. big films.

seriously? you know my biggest accomplishment in the last year? hmmmm.......let's see. i got a cat. i paid off my credit card. i didn't kill my boss.

i'm a receptionist. i answer phones. i'm also borderline mentally ill, and have a hard time just getting through the day - much less changing the freaking world. what happened to me? what did those judges see in me - fresh out of high school - that made them think i belonged in a group of kids that deserved a free ride?

so, at this point, i still open the darn thing. i was a little bit happier this time, because the layout and typography sucked. ha! that's one thing i can do - i could layout that damn brochure better than whatever student they have doing it. go me!

but seriously - should i be upset about this? is it unrealistic to think that i should be changing the world right now? and if it is unrealistic - why are they? i feel like i missed that day in class - the day where they gave you the secrets to following your dreams without having a nervous breakdown.

eh, oh well. there's always next year.

just a tuesday.

well, it's tuesday. work has been - awkward today. some pretty shady stuff has been going on lately, and i'm having a really hard time aligning work me with real life me, but i guess that's all i can say about that. i'm working on a new idea for this blog - it has to do with a book i'm reading, and work stuff - but i want to get permission first. hopefully soon!

as promised - here are some of the spreads from my recently finished eggcup catalog. hopefully i'll have it all mocked up soon, so that i can take some decent portfolio pictures. anyway, here goes.

(sorry, took out the pictures b/c they were being annoying)

i know that the image quality is bad - you'll just have to wait until i get everything uploaded to my portfolio site, sorry! but all in all, i think it turned out really great - big thanks in part to the guy that helped with the illustrations. :) (i mean, i totally drew them - totally!)

in other news - my grandpa was on the news - kstp to be exact. you can view him here. he is just too cute not to watch, trust me on this one. i was so proud of myself today because i managed to get that video off the web and burn it to a dvd - which i'm sure is illegal, but seriously abc - i'm supposed to pay $45 for a minute long clip? no thanks. so now he can have a copy - because the annoying guy who made the piece just can't seem to understand that 87 year olds? don't. have. internet. really, they don't. no really, they don't! so i saved the day again - go me.

anyone interested in hearing about my love life? anyone? well, here's the vague rundown. i'm kind of seeing this guy who is kind of into me, but never ever wants to make a commitment it serious and will never, ever be in love with me. i've been kind of seeing this guy for about a year and a half.

what the f$*# is wrong with you? - you may be saying. well, i'm not sure. lots of things, probably - but the truth of the matter is that he's a really nice guy. we have lots of fun together, and we're very close.

so part of this kind of seeing each other deal is that we can see other people. and i've discovered that i'm the worst girl dater ever. is dater a word? you know what i mean. i use okcupid - and here is my pattern:

1. find a guy i think is cute.
2. woo him or message him.
3. when he writes back, write back at least once, maybe twice.
4. completely stop all contact (this has nothing to do with him of course, i just lose interest or get freaked out or something).
5. occasionally i will go on a date, then -
   
6. stop all contact.

i've done this at least 6 times in the past year. i'm always teasing thesinglesister that she gets way more dates than me - well it's no wonder, right? i think i just have a hard time with the online dating scene. it seems too forced - i want romance. i want to meet a guy in a dimly lit bar, drink vodka shots until i'm almost puking, and then have a drunken one night stand that turns into a four-year relationship. romance, people!

no, i'm kidding. i don't know what the deal is. my therapist would say that i'm with the current guy because he's safe - he'll never fall in love with me. which may be true. maybe i really, deep down, want to be single forever? who knows. i'm only 23.

ok, that's my day. eggcups, work and ramblings about love. i had a heath bar too - yum.

wake up!

c'mon brain, you can do it. just start small - maybe a color. pick one color that you really, really like. is that so much to ask? then maybe, just maybe - give me a hint on a font. Not even a specific font, let's just say serif or sans-serif, or script maybe? now we've got the ball rolling. how about some images? maybe a layout? is that too much to ask?

i've been asking my brain these questions for 2 weeks now - trying to get this catalog homework assignment done. i have the photographs, and i really like them - but that's it. i have NO IDEAS. none. zip. zilch. stick that in your design cliche and smoke it, asshat.

ok, that didn't make sense - but not much is the past few days. all i do at work is stare at my computer screen, and all i do at home is stare at my tv screen. screens are overtaking my life, and apparently my creativity. i'm not even all that interested in anything else. talking to friends? eh. going outside? no thanks. cooking? no way. drinking? well, always....

so yeah, not much to report. it's hard to be witty or interesting when all you do all day is look at what other witty, clever, and inspiring people are doing. i need some motivation, peeps! maybe i'll pick up and sail around the world, or get a new puppy, or run a marathon or get a freaking life. i'll keep you posted.

oh, also? it's 84 degrees in my office today. and my boss won't let us turn on the air. seriously? because dying of heatstroke is sure to make your workplace environment more productive.