why hello, blog!

Goals. This has been a month (or two) of setting and achieving goals.

I got a new job. Old news - I know - but a goal I had been after for almost 2 long years. I love my new job, it is everything I ever dreamed it could be during those months when I couldn't imagine getting up for work another day. When the thought of making more copies, running more errands, or hearing my boss scream at me one more time seemed like too much. But I'm out! Goal achieved. And damn that feels great.

This week I started running. I've always envied runners - they're always the coolest people in the gym, right? Running along, oblivious to all of us walking, or stair-stepping or whathaveyou. I was always jealous. Not to mention those OUTSIDE RUNNERS. How much confidence do you have to have to run outside? In front of other people? Yikes.

So running was always out for me - mainly because I'm historically about the most out of shape person I know. Even at my skinniest, I was the textbook definition of 'skinny-fat'. I could hardly make it up a flight of stairs (probably still can't.)

Sometime last year I started working out. it's been off and on, but I gradually have worked myself up to the point where 30 minutes of straight cardio on the elliptical or ergonomiter or whatever is doable survivable for me. Which is great! So now I'm doing couch to 5k (C25K).

The program can be found at Cool Running - basically it's a 9 week program that gradually gets you from a walking pace to running 5k (that's around 3 miles) straight - without overdoing it and getting discouraged. This was key for me - because I always overdo it on the first day, get injured, and then stop. Hopefully this will help.

So far I've run 2 days, Sunday and this morning. Sunday my total distance was 1.6 miles, and today it was 2 miles. Those miles are a combo of running and walking, mostly walking at this point since I'm in my first week.

And what do I have to say about the running? OUCH. My legs are killing me. Getting up to pee seems much worse than just holding it. The idea that I'm going to get up and have to run again one more day this week is awful. Aargh. However, I've made it through two of them, so hopefully I'll keep going.

I also saw the scale dip under 150 today for the first time in many moons. That made me happy. I'd really like to get under 130 someday, but under 150 is pretty good for now.

In other news (and other goals), I finally completed my Eat Street font project - you can find it here. My internship has a few more weeks to go, and overall I'd say it was pretty successful.

Went to the Ani concert on Friday. It was awesome (as usual). My sister and I went last year, and then went again this year. We had dinner at Solera - which was amazing! 8 little dishes of fabulous gourmet food....to die for. The concert was rockin', and it was cool to hang with the little sis.



Bean got another lion cut. (I told him if he wouldn't let me brush him he would get one) Not really a goal, but gives me a chuckle every day. He looks so tiny!



I've started trying to clean a little bit every day - which has greatly helped my weekend workload. I'm trying to keep one day (Saturday) for resting and relaxing, but usually I spend that day cleaning. Now I vacuum pretty much every day (thank you roomba!), clean the kitchen one day, bathroom one day, etc. So all I have to do on the weekends is garbage and laundry. It's amazing.

Wow. Boring post, huh? Another goal on my list is to blog 3x per week. If I can run 3x a week, then by-God I should be able to blog, right? I just need to do it! So here I go.

labor day weekend/updates

update:

i started my new job on monday, and so far i'm loving it. the people i work with are great, i get to design! things! all! day!, and my workplace is amazing. there's a caribou coffee, a d'amico and sons, a free fitness center, a huge cafeteria (with an amazing salad bar), a doctor/dentist on site...i could go on forever. it's a far cry from an office of 5, let me tell ya.

i'm still in the honeymoon phase, i know, and i know that i will be challenged with the work. it's mostly designing powerpoint presentations on demand, in front of people - so i've been trying to brush up on my powerpoint skills as fast as possible. the guys i work with have been great so far though. i also get a sweet 30" monitor, and a whole bunch of other cool stuff that i haven't even really delved into yet, like subscriptions to photo and animation sites, a dvd library of images and video, etc. etc.

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labor day weekend pics:

the boy and i went up to the north shore way back at the beginning of september, just a few miles south of grand marais. we got a cute little room, with a private deck overlooking the lake, and spent our time hiking, kayaking, eating, and smiling. so fun!
me, playing in a river near a waterfall


us, on a hike


us, with our coffee cups, on our private deck

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in other news:

bean is very happy these days. the boy and i gave him a bath the other day b/c he was getting a little stinky, and since then he's been all soft and shiny and happy. still bitey though. i keep threatening him with this:


hee hee!

now with more cleaning power!

i'm back!

i've decided not to be sorry about not posting for....well, about a month. this is my blog, dangit, and hardly anyone reads it anyway - but I spend so much time hemming and hawing over what to write, and if what i write will come back to bit me in the ass butt later in life, and if what i'm writing is funny or witty - it really ruins the whole point! i started this blog to get my thoughts and feelings down and out (down onto something and out of me, that is), and i need to start doing just that.

so if you are annoyed that i never post - tough. and if you're someone later in life that's trying to dig up some dirt on me so you can not hire me/fire me/ laugh at me - suck it.

onward and upward!

good news:

i got a new job (it's awesome), a new haircut (pretty cute), i'm no longer pregnant (good? i guess?), and i have some new things in my life that are making me happy.

1. a roomba! i love this little guy. he runs all around my house, making noise and bumping into things, but when he's done it's clean! Also, Bean follows him around like a best friend. not only does he clean - he plays with the cat! seriously folks, i love this thing. I've also noticed Mr. Roomba encourages me to be more productive. He's like "Hey you, i'm running around this place cleaning up your $h!# right now - why don't you get off your fat ass lazy bum and put away the laundry/do the dishes/write a blog post? you know, since i'm cleaning anyway." it's brilliant - I feel like i'm multitasking.

2. a nintendo DS. I have a cooking game, zelda, a mystery game, a medical game - everything i could ever want! I don't have nearly enough time to play this thing, but it was the best b-day present ever (from the boy). good for relaxing (or as close as I ever come to relaxing).

3. a flatiron. who knew that these things could make my hair cute? i certainly didn't. i'm in love.

4. various household organizers. i started this "organizing my life" process about a week ago, and got something to organize my makeup/jewelry/endless bobby pins, and a bunch of other stuff. next - shoes! I'm thinking something like this, but cheaper. ideas?

in other news:

i've gained about 10 pounds, but i'm giving myself a break. my clothes still fit, and as soon as I have more time i will start working out again. also, i think i'm dropping out of school. it's too much work right now with the new job and some other freelance work I'm doing, and the teachers this semester kinda suck. maybe i'll go back next year? but hey! more time to take a yoga class (or a pole-dancing one).

on the emotional front:

i'm still pretty shaken up about this whole past month. a lot of changes are taking place, and i'm having to make a lot of grown up decisions, which is always scary.

i just recently realized that my whole life i've been convinced that being happy will bring about disaster. like, if i just relax and breathe and believe/feel/know that everything is ok - someone will die, or my apartment will burn down, or something. going through life always expecting the worst isn't really all that fun (i'm realizing). it's also going to be a hard mental block/emotion/belief to overcome - because risking feeling 'safe' means that i'm tempting fate, and the entire belief structure that i've known for 24 years. anyway, it's hard to explain, but i'm working through it which i think is good...

ok, Mr. Roomba and me I are tired. time for some sleep...


gratuitous (old) picture of Bean. i keep it on my desk and smile every time i see it.

c'mon karma, didn't you know I was kidding?

yesterday I told karma to suck it. probably a bad idea.

today i kind of want to rub karma with sandpaper and then dunk it in salt-water. the stingy kind. i want to make karma pay.

last night i had a miscarriage. the reason my brain has been dead the past couple weeks? i was pregnant. only 3 weeks along, and still totally freaked out/not sure what i was going to do/feeling like crap pregnant, but still. karma didn't have to come and take my baby away. it could have let me decide for myself what i wanted, couldn't it?

backstory: three weeks ago i took Plan B. two days ago (monday) I went in to get an IUD inserted, and they told me I was pregnant. Shock and crying and excitement and every other freaking emotion followed. last night, after a lovely dinner of spaghetti carbonara and roma tomato/basil/mozzarella salad, i started bleeding. lots and lots of heavy bleeding for a couple of hours. lots and lots of heavy crying as well. went in to the doctor today - and i'm not pregnant anymore.

my doctor told me that Plan B works by keeping you from ovulating, and it does this by giving you a million times the hormones you usually have. It says that it doesn't harm the embryo/fetus/whatever if ovulation does occur - and many women go on to have perfectly normal pregnancies.

however, my doctor said that what it does do is make it very, very hard for the embryo to implant. sometimes you still get a positive pregnancy test, if the embryo implants partway, or just hangs out really close to your uterine wall. then you still produce the HGC pregnancy hormone and your test is positive. she believes that was the case with me.

it was a relief to hear that she didn't think it had anything to do with my fertility, or anything that I had done 'wrong', and i feel better today than I did last night. i think i'm in the numb stage of grief? denial? i'm definitely not angry, just kind of floaty, and sad, and wondering why the hell so many crazy things have been happening lately.

i also don't really know who to tell, or what to tell them. i feel like 3 weeks pregnant shouldn't be that big of a deal, and I didn't even know if i wanted it anyway. but to have it taken away is just kind of....hard. and i don't know how well i can really function at work, and at school, and at my other side job, and my internship right now. it's all a little bit much to handle.

guess you shouldn't fuck with karma.

my brain is dead.

not sure what killed it. or maybe i'm not telling. at any rate, all of my attempts to be productive at work today have been thwarted by my stupid, tired brain, and multiple distractions.

IM is one, twitter another, and google reader? let's not even talk about it. so what's a girl to do? my solution is to use the old 'looking busy' trick. make sure to have an excel spreadsheet or two up, and every time my boss walks by I put on my best stressed out face. I doubt it's working, but oh well. I can't be awesome every day.

also, i would KILL for a diet coke right now. or a cup of coffee. or six. i'm just saying, i'm a little bit crazy tired.

on a lighter note, in a few hours (when they set me free of this place) I get to go to a twins game! I don't even know who they're playing, because I'm lame like that, but it will be fun. I love baseball games. actually, I love most live sporting events. the crowds, the food, the action - it's all good. except football, that's just dumb.

let's talk about karma, shall we?

today I have gotten not one, not two, but six calls from people that want to interview me. this comes after spending months and months and months sending out resumes and never really hearing back - but today they all call. it's crazy!

i'm hoping that this is good karma, but when you think about it - karma chooses the day my brain dies to have everyone call me? so as I stutter along and try to remember my own name i really start to wonder if karma is less like my best friend, and more like that girl in high school that smiled and nodded as she texted all her friends about how stupid you are. i'm just saying.

ok, my boss just totally caught me blogging. it's official - karma hates me.


suck it, karma.

the weekend.

Friday:

Worked all day, then headed out to here:



for dinner. Heard good things about it, and had even tried some takeout at my internship, but I was excited to see the place in person. The food was good good good - we ordered barbecued beef, corn muffins, yucca (sp?) fries, red beans and yellow rice, creamed spinach, and sweet tea. Yummy!

This guy brought me there:



He was a bit happier when the camera wasn't on him.

Saturday:

Got up, tagged along to a haircut with the boy, stopping to shop at my favorite store. After that, went to Ikea and got this stuff:


(don't mind the mess, I'm just keeping it real)

Then to the MOA to get this stuff:





I needed the running shoes because my toes kept going numb in the one's that I have, and it was buy one get one free! Who can resist a cute pair of black heels? I am wearing them today, and so far, very comfortable! Which is always good, but not a dealbreaker, considering the many, many scars I have on my feet from all of my not-so-comfortable shoes.

Saturday night:

Got home and put all of the new Ikea bedding on my bed:



which was very comfy. (I got new sheets, two new pillows, a new comforter, and a new mattress pad)

Played with Bean:



(That bunny slipper is one of a pair that was given to me for Easter. He chewed the first one to bits the first night - but still likes to attack the remaining one)

Sunday morning:

Bean approves the new bedding:



Spent most of Sunday running errands (cleaning, groceries, drugstore). Then headed up to my grandparent's place, where they cooked steaks, potatoes, and we had fruit salad. My grandpa is so cute, because his entire life my grandma cooked everything for him, but now that he has to cook he is so proud of himself! He did a good job too.

Today:

Had a slim fast for b-fast, and having a huge salad with leftover steak on it for lunch. Work is so empty with everyone gone/leaving, but there's plenty to do. I also bought some new plants for my desk at Ikea, but I didn't have a picture. They are cute and small.

So that was my weekend - how was yours?

Wow, 5 days since my last post. Sorry kids, life's been way too busy.

Started a 'fast' yesterday. I put it in quotes because it's not a true fast - I'm still eating, just very restricted. Can of Progresso light soup for lunch and dinner, fresh veggies and fruits, and tea, diet soda, water, coffee. Oh, and sugar-free jello and popsicles. I didn't do so great yesterday - had some hummus and a tiny meal of real food for dinner instead of soup - but today I've only had carrots and jello. I'm really looking forward to some soup!

Don't ask me why I'm doing this fast. I'm just fed up with not losing (and in fact gaining) weight. I've been trying to stay under 1500 calories a day for months now, and working out 3+ times a week, and have seen little to no results. So I'm trying this to see if I can get a 'jump start', and if not I'm going to go to the doctor to get a couple things checked out. So there you go.

Not eating does make me a little bit crabby, however, and makes it hard to concentrate. I also got less than 6 hours of sleep last night - so pray for those around me. ;)

In other news: I started my 3-month internship with the font designer, Chank Diesel. We're working on a free font called Eat Street right now, and after that is done I get to concept and design my own font! This whole thing is really exciting for me, it's a whole new area of design that I never really thought about, and while it's not really lucrative (since most fonts are free or pirated nowadays), it does get me thinking, and inspires me in other areas of design - design should be fun! It's nice to be reminded of that.



Let's see, what else? I went on a date last night, with a guy we'll nickname 'the vegan'. Because he's (surprise!) vegan. He also rides a bike everywhere. Which is really intimidating to me, the girl who eats like crap and drives everywhere in her crappy beat-up corsica...but it was a nice date nonetheless. He was cute, fun, polite, smart - really meets all my prereqs as far as first dates go. Biggest drawback? He's married - and in an open relationship. Which isn't a big deal to me at this point (I'm down with the polyamory thing, and always have been), but it's hard when it's someone that I could potentially really like - to know that it's never going to really go anywhere. So then I wonder, what's the point? But I"m keeping it light and fun for now - just seeing where it's going.

(I totally have this t-shirt)

Also, I'm tempted to post a cuter semi-decent picture of me after that monstrosity below, so here you go:



That's me having a little too much fun at my friend's bachelorette party this weekend. There was pole dancing flailing, club-hopping, and much drinking.

That's it! Hopefully more posts coming up this week.

today in pictures.

excuse disclaimer: i cannot figure out how to format my pictures and text in a way that looks pretty. it's really bugging me, but damn it, i'm going to post anyway. so sorry for the un-cuteness that follows. (the layout, not the content!)

feeling like: this picture. apparently bean feels this way too. he's not enjoying the fact that it's over 90 degrees in my apartment. i'm trying to make him feel better by giving him ice to lick. i'm trying to make myself feel better by giving myself popsicles to lick.



working on: a letter for a font i'm making with Chank Diesel. it's call 'Eat Street'. fun! more about that very soon.










thinking about: why all the squirrels in my neighborhood are so unafraid of people. i literally had to spray one from 2 inches away with a spray bottle to get it off my windowsill. last month one ate it's way through my screen and ate all of the walnuts in the (sealed jar) on my counter. as cute as they can be - squirrels that are totally unafraid are scary!


last picture: bean looking totally handsome. he's really starting to grow up and become an adult cat, and it's just so cute. i know i'm a crazy cat lady and all - but i really love this guy. even though he scratched me three times this morning and now i look like i escaped over a barbed wire fence fleeing from the mental hospital.

this day started out really crappy (cramps, tired, scared about class/confrontation) to being pretty good (going home early, ordering pizza, getting some work done, watching scrubs, getting an internship offer). so happy thursday everybody!

mini rants and mini loves.

lets have a mini-story day!

rants:
my cell phone broke today. i have a motorola razor, and one of the screws holding on the top portion fell out a week ago. today, the lcd screen doesn't work. so i call up t-mobile, and they say it's 'physical damage' aka 'my fault'. screw them. so i ordered a $10 phone to replace it (i am so done with razors) and they charge me an $18 'rape you' 'upgrade fee'! seriously? i hate you t-mobile.

(work rant deleted to protect...myself - I really wanted to leave it in, but I just can't. sigh.)

i'm frustrated with myself, because I can't stick to my diet. i spent yesterday making a big salad to take to work for lunches all week, packed myself a healthy breakfast - the whole works. I did workout this morning, which is good, but then ate a plateful of pub mix - which is probably like a billion calories. plus, i'm doing homework at a coffee place tonight, which = calorie-laden caffeinated drinks and probably lots of food as well. aargh!

loves:
one of my favorite things is to see rain in the distance. what i mean is - it's not raining on you - but you can see the rain falling from the clouds. i had the opportunity to see that on the backdrop of a stunning bright-pink sunset last night on my way home from the grandparents - and it was delightful.

i'm really liking the way my eggcup catalog/homework is shaping up - i'll have to post a spread or two tonight when it's all! finished!

i never, ever get zits (and yes, you can hate me). however, when I do get one of those deep down zits that just won't pop - one of my guilty pleasures is to pop it with an exacto razor blade. totally gross, I know - but the satisfaction of making that tiny cut and have everything come out? oh my god - it's like porn for me. totally popped a 6-month old zit on my lip last night. awesome.


well, now that you've all run screaming - I think I'll sign off. hoping i can get through the next 3 hours without anything too scary happening - and then get my homework done quickly. keep your fingers crossed.

a little bit about me.

Theoretically, this could all go in the handy-dandy 'about me' section. it will someday. in the meantime, I just wanted to give my non-existent readers some information about me - so they can get to know me and run screaming love me.

1. I live in Minneapolis. Don't stalk me.
2. I'm trying to become a graphic designer. i'm in school, and looking into freelancing options/starting my own business. soon!
3. I apparently can't decide whether to capitalize or not capitalize. i love not capitalizing sentences, but then I slip back into it. sigh. deal with it.
4. I have a kitten cat named Bean. I got him last september? somewhere around there. he's tiny, and loves nothing more than to bite me. he's not mean though - promise.





so tiny and cute!




5. i'm on a diet. so far i've lost 6 pounds. i know you don't want to hear about it - no one does. but guess what? it's my blog! ha!
6. i don't like my job. i know i'm not supposed to write about work, lest i get dooced. but still - it had to be said. i work as an office manager/receptionist/marketing assistant/get me some fucking coffee girl. enough said.
7. i'm 23, soon to be 24 years old. i really want to go to las vegas for my birthday.
8. i started a blog because everyone else was doing it. i'm not sure if my life is exciting enough to write about, but i crack myself up with the crazy interesting things I think about - so i just wanted to put some of it out there. we'll get to the crazy fun stuff eventually, i promise.

Ok, that's enough for now. I need to design an egg-cup catalog today during after work. First draft is due tonight. Any ideas?

stolen.

I spent this weekend with friends - and our first order of business was the Sex and the City movie on Saturday. I was super excited because the four of us have been friends forever (three of us since 5th grade - and the other since 9th), and all of us going to see the four of them just seemed too perfect. We went to block E to see the flick, and had some Applebee's before the show. By the way - nothing on Applebee's menu is vegan. Nothing. Not even vegetarian, really. (I'm not a vegan, I'm just saying)

So anyway - movie was great, afterwards we went back to my place and had girl time - complete with grey's anatomy and cosmo's - I thought all was well. Woke up the next morning...no wallet.

F-U-C-K. That's all I could think/say. I checked my bank account and over $1300 - gone. Not only that, but they also rented not one, but two cars in my name (using my driver's license). AWESOME. I realized that stealing someone's wallet in a movie theater is a great freaking idea - because you know they probably won't notice for at least a couple of hours - so you can go hog wild.

So today is filled with getting a new license, new check card, police reports, etc. I'm lucky that I have enough savings to cover the damage until my investigation goes through. i never realized how dangerous check cards are. I'm not sure I even want one anymore, honestly. This is the 5th time in my life that my wallet has been taken or lost - I obviously have really bad karma. I want to build a secret safe in my apartment and deal only in gold coins from now on. I just need to find some leprechauns.

In other news - I have shin splints. The only way I would run is for my life, so I'm not sure how I even got them. Karma again. So I'm hobbling around barefoot at work. Sexy-pants. I'm also working on an egg-cup catalog for class. I'll have to fill everyone in on my egg-cup obsession soon.

first post.

don't you hate the first post? so much pressure.

my intentions for this blog are to let it all hang out. not do everything perfectly, or even well. just talk and talk and talk until i turn blue in the face hands.

it's raining. and my under eye circles are threatening to take over my face.